Have You Ever Wondered Why?

I sat on the edge of the couch with my head pulled down meekly, as my aunt frantically paced the hall yelling and shouting at me. She left no stone unturned in telling me that I was the most stupid and foolish person she had ever come across. She was red-faced and enraged, partly in anger and partly in frustration.

As I saw her walking back and forth, for once, I felt that I should not have dropped the bomb!

After my graduation, much like many small-town folks, I had decided to go to Bombay(now Mumbai) and try my luck at landing a job there. For sheer convenience, resting on the fact that my aunt lived there with her family and my elder brother was also working and living there, I chose Bombay.

The ‘average in academics’ person that I was and with a simple Bachelor of Science (Zoology) degree, I had no idea what I was going to do in the most ambitious city of India. In fact, it’s funny that the reason why I took Zoology was not because I was interested in the subject, but because it gave me an opportunity to travel to the beaches of South India. That’s how frivolous I was in matters related to studies.

Bombay was everything my hometown wasn’t (not in a positive way) and since it was my maiden venture outside of my home, I was lost! I longed to breathe the fresh air of my hometown, smile back at the cheerful faces of my neighbours, engage in pointless banter with my friends and most importantly watch sunsets with my boyfriend.

Of course, I had my share of good times with my aunt’s family. My cousins tagged me along on all their day and night-time adventures with their friends and I accompanied my aunt everywhere she went. But all the fun I had did not compensate for what I felt inside.

In the meantime, my aunt whose strong network of contacts ran as far and as wide as the Mumbai inter-city railway system, word had spread that I was job hunting. And as luck would have it, I was offered the opportunity to fly in a reputed Airlines in two months while I would be working as an intern at the front office of a five-star hotel for those two months.

I have to mention here that I belonged to the time when the job of an airhostess was a very happening, lucrative and fruitful career option and what most small-town, middle-class girls dreamed of. Although it wasn’t what I aspired to do, the prospect of travelling abroad did lure me. Moreover, there weren’t many airline carriers in India at that time and the compensation and benefits of the aviation industry were huge.

So yes, I was job hunting when there were no MNCs in India… and yes, I started my career in that era!

I was scheduled to start my front office internship the next week and I had already visited the hotel once for an induction sort of formality. It was three days after this that I dropped the bomb one May morning.

Only my aunt and I were at the house when I told her that I had made up my mind to go back home. I had thought hard and long for over two days and had decided to give up this career opportunity… an opportunity that would give me the chance to travel the world, live in luxury, meet new people, upgrade my standard of living and most importantly give me financial freedom, loads of it! Everything a normal person would want from life, and yet I decided to kick it all and return, the way I had come… broke and jobless!

Obviously, my aunt’s hostility and rage weren’t uncalled for.

That day, more than two decades ago and now! When I look back, I realize that I didn’t then and haven’t ever regretted the decision I made. Well, except for the time when I thought that my aunt would pass out due to the stress and tension welling up inside her.

However, one thought never left my head. Something that was gnawing and ate at me time and again. It used to prop up when I was idle and pondering over the decisions I’d made in life:

– What gave me the courage to go against my entire family and make that decision?
– Why didn’t I regret it?
– Why wasn’t I lured by the prospects of a successful career and greater still, the money that came with it?
– Would anybody else have done the same?

All my life I had been seeking answers for these questions and many others like:

– Why was it so difficult for me to survive in the corporate world(I quit when my elder daughter was two)?
– Why am I not ambitious like others?
– Why don’t I get motivated by money and financial assets and the high life?
– Why do I make choices that others don’t appreciate?

Like me, I am sure there are many others who often or sometimes wonder why. Their questions may involve different aspects of life and not necessarily job and career… mine did too!

My questions were answered some years ago in a way that of the six most important things that make me, affluence, career, ambition, professional success and the likes don’t feature anywhere. What does and in the order of importance are: Love, health, happiness, freedom, integrity and balance.

I totally relate to the concept of each person being uniquely built around his/her own set of core values and how each one should operate in life based on those and make all choices based on those. And that’s why I had done what I’d done, albeit unconsciously! And that’s why I’d had no regrets!

It was the biggest breakthrough ever!

Pic Courtesy : Google

Now that I am aware of my core values, I am at peace. It’s much easier to accept the person I am, what I want from life, lead my life accordingly and not get anxious or bogged down by peer pressure or the world around me.

So are you aware of yours?

🔅🔅🔅🔅

This blog post is a part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla in collaboration with Bohemian Bibliophile.