Myra looks at Samar tying his shoe lace and smiles thinking, ‘he is chatty on whatsapp but face to face he is shy.’
They had known each other for several months and had been having prolonged conversations on whatsapp for over two weeks but were meeting for the first time at his house, that too when he was about to run out for an errand. He had begged her to come for 10 minutes, all of which had been spent in awkwardness, sitting opposite each other, on two separate couches, staring at the ceiling or the floor sometimes and only exchanging a word or two.
Convinced that she had to break the ice somehow, she asks him for a hug. He looks up and says, “Sure” and once done tying the laces, he gets up and right at the foyer, extends his arms to hug her. She spontaneously goes to him. It was meant to be a casual, ‘nice we met’ kind of a hug but they cling to each other as if clinging for life. She senses he is nervous like her but he too doesn’t let go. Myra feels the warmth spreading through her body and something about this awkward yet comforting hug fulfills her. She doesn’t remember any hug making her feel this way… in many ways, she feels home.
They stay that way forever, lost in each other’s embrace and after a few minutes(that seem like eternity), she looks up at him, and in that hazy moment, Samar musters up the courage and softly says, “Can I kiss you?” and she, waiting to hear those words, tiptoes up to him; he is tall, and their lips touch, sending a shiver down her spine. They kiss very slowly and deeply, as if taking time to extract the sweetness and allowing it to fill up the voids in their lives.
♡♡♡♡♡
This was two years ago, and now, Myra is watching Samar nap in the afternoon, something she loves to do, on a holiday together. They have come a long way from that awkward moment… falling for each other and their love growing deeper and stronger.
She feels lucky and blessed and watching him sleep peacefully, she reminisces how that one hug meant the world to her and how it changed her life. On the same thought, Myra realizes that when she agreed to let him kiss her that day… ‘that was the moment,’ she thinks and lightly kisses Samar’s beautiful sleeping face and whispers to him…
Nestled in the foothills of the Annapurna range, with the sprawling Phewa lake magnifying it’s beauty a dozen-fold lies Pokhara, a small but rapidly growing city in Central Nepal and also one of the most popular tourist destinations of the country. It is the gateway to the Annapurna Circuit and thus the hotspot for hikers and climbers from all over the world.
We(my husband and I) made an impromptu trip there in the 2nd week of April this year and I’m so glad we did.
Phewa Lake from our hotel
Phewa Lake is the jewel of Pokhara and Mt. Machhapuchhare(literally translates to fish tail) the crown on the jewel. These two make a picturesque combination and are the major scenic attractions accompanied by the majestic hills and the abundance of greenery around.
Apart from the natural beauty, Pokhara offers its visitors multiple options to hangout and spend afternoons and evenings in. It has one of the most diverse range of restaurants, cafes and restro-pubs for a city as small, each different from the other, each beautifully designed and the ambience superb. From quaint and cosy ones to lavish and extravagant ones and no matter how small or big the place, the aesthetics are all pleasing to the eye, unique and praiseworthy. The food equally good(must try Nepali food.. simple, light on the tummy, tasty and flavourful) and the coffee mindblowing. Nepal grows and produces its own coffee and even in tiny villages in this region, there are coffee shops serving coffee of international standard… you name it and they have it.
Crazy Gecko… one of the lake-side restro pubs
My first morning, I woke up and opened the door to go to the restaurant of my hotel to have coffee . The familiar smell of sambhar hit me and for once I thought I was dreaming. Still I went to the lobby and almost dissolved in the crowd of 32 Kannadigas who were on a pilgrimage. Their accompanying cook had just finished preparing breakfast. It was nice to see the hotel offering guests such flexibility. Anyway, while I was chatting with them, I thought to myself, ‘I left Bangalore for a holiday, but Bangalore isn’t leaving me.’😄
For tourists interested in sight-seeing, there are caves, waterfalls, stupa, temples, leisurely boat rides on the lake, shopping etc. We hired a bike and rode to some of these places for half a day. We needed atleast two days to see everything but I am not the sight seeing type so we didn’t do much. While I’m on this topic, I have to mention that Pokhara is one such place that caters to all age groups: kids, teenagers, adults, senior citizens, couples, families or solo travellers, along with different types of accommodations depending upon budget and preference, there is one thing or the other of interest for everyone.
The Japanese Peace Pagoda
Ours was adventure sports, something that Pokhara is hugely known for, so our eagerness and enthusiasm lay in that. The most popular ones are paragliding, bungee jumping and micro-light flight. I did the first two and my husband the third.
My husband on his flight
We booked ours through a travel agent who was very helpful and genuine. We hired a taxi to travel to the outskirts from the same agent. Now, the driver Anjit was a huge Telegu movie fan. I think everyone is as the bus we had travelled in had played ‘Pushpa.’ Anjit had watched KGF the night before and the next day he told us the whole story with video shots that he had taken from the theater. He went on and on like a child sharing a life changing experience. We had to enlighten him with information about the people, places, food and languages of south india; he was very keen. I also teased him saying, ‘Since people are a huge fan of South stars I will get my friend who looks a lot like Yash and open up a selfie business here.’ Once again I thought, ‘I left South India, but South India hasn’t left me’ 😀
My Paragliding Experience: Apart from the initial jump, it wasn’t much thrilling. I had to run down a hill with the pilot behind and both of us tied to the glider and jump straight into the air. The thrill part ended here. The view was magnificent. When the wind blew a little hard, it was exciting but apart from that it was like relaxing on an arm chair in the sky with my eyes open. I think it is more thrilling to be the pilot. Well, mine said he took around two years for advanced level… so that’s out of question.😉
My Bungee Jumping Experience: This by far has been my most scary-looking and challenging adventure sport… I am saying scary looking as people who watched my video were more scared than I. Yes, you heard it right… I wasn’t! I guess that’s one reason why I could follow the instructions and do exactly as I was told and that’s why everyone said I did it like a pro. If not that, maybe I am fearless as I am adventurous by nature… and I want to believe this one.😛 But, and in all honesty, from the time the instructor released(not pushed) me at the ramp, to the time I got pulled back to it, it was daring, exciting, exhilarating, spine-chilling, thrilling and everything else… A once in a lifetime experience!
1… 2… 3… Bungeeeeeee!!!… my video
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One important thing to note: Indians do not need a passport or visa to travel to Nepal. It’s an ‘open border,’ so any photo ID would do, like in our domestic flights.
How to go there: Because my hometown is Darjeeling, WB, we travelled by road. For others, the best option would be to fly to Kathmandu, spend some days there and then fly to Pokhara.
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Well, with days filled with adventure and nights strolling along the idyllic lake and hanging out in the restro pubs listening to live music… we had a wonderful holiday. We visited and stayed over in a couple of small towns on the outskirts too. More about that in my blogs to follow. But, there is something about Pokhara that I fell in love with from the first look. This was one place that I didn’t want to come back from and would love to visit again and again. It is cleaner, greener, more affordable and more scenic than the capital city of Kathmandu.
On Women’s Day, over dinner with my girl gang, I had a discussion with one friend regarding our kids.
I was one screwdriver down and because I hadn’t had any alcohol in more than a month, it made me quite tipsy. So we kind of debated vehemently.
The next day while I was texting her explaining why I said what I said and that I was sorry if I went overboard(attributing it to the drink in my system) I got this idea of writing about our topic of discussion in my blog.
For that to happen, I have to first explain how the discussion started. I was checking out her daughter’s picture and realized that the little girl looked all grown up and womanly wearing makeup and posing. I was shocked as I hadn’t seen her so big and because I am not on instagram, I am not aware of many things happening around me.
So I asked her if she is okay to let her daughter wear all that makeup; and that’s when the discussion started. She told me that she gives her 15 year old the freedom to do what she wishes to, as she trusts her and that she, as a mother, is going with the times.
Now that is the part that got me thinking… that one word ‘Freedom’ and the phrase, ‘Going with the times.’
I am a ‘mean mother!’ Got this term from my friend Cindy’s blog… maybe the meanest that comes and way behind the times too. I am not lenient and somehow I believe in being their parent and not their friend. And to be honest, I don’t want to know everything that happens in their lives, if they tell me the significant things I will be happy.
My daughters are 12 and eight. So, they are still in their ‘clay phase’… they are still ‘mouldable.’ Although I don’t intend to give them a shape and identity, I want to be able to guide them well.
Coming to the point, at this stage, I restrict them from a lot of things. It may sound like I am overdoing it, but it is after all, ‘To each his own.’
I restrict them from using gadgets/watching TV whenever they feel like. Their TV time is 8p.m. to 10p.m. on weekdays and upto 11p.m. on Friday and Saturday.
I restrict them from having snacks or anything except water without my permission. So they cannot binge on chocolates, candies or savouries whenever they feel like.
I restrict them from watching any program which is not age appropriate. They will, when the time is right. They have parental controls on their devices that they use for online classes.
I restrict them from choosing what to eat, except in restaurants ofcourse. From their first meal to now, they have had to eat what is served or not eat at all(see, I said I was mean😛). Even as toddlers I never gave them options. This has made them non-fussy eaters.
I restrict them from staying up late. They have to call it a day by 9p.m. during physical school, 10 during online, 11 on Fridays and Saturdays and 12 during sleepovers.
I restrict them from having soft drinks. At birthday parties, if that is the only beverage available, they may but otherwise not at all. They will later anyway, so I want to prohibit till the time I can.
I restrict them from using my phone. It is always locked.
I restrict them from wearing makeup or anything that may harm their tender skins. Again, they will when they grow up.
I will restrict them from having phones of their own until they are old enough.
I will restrict them from creating social media accounts for as long as I can… I want them to have longer unadulterated childhoods.
The list is endless and with so many restrictions, what freedom do I give them then?
Freedom to figure out things on their own
Till date, I haven’t helped them with a single page of their homeworks apart from projects where adult supervision and interference is mandatory(this too I don’t do for my elder daughter anymore). I don’t read things out for them or help them with meanings, I don’t find answers for them or correct them if they do anything wrong. I don’t look over their homeworks, they have to read, comprehend and do everything on their own. If they can’t, I just write, ‘couldn’t do’ on the HW sheet. I don’t help them with word meanings either, earlier they used to look up a dictionary, now they Google. By doing this, I hope to make them independently capable. It has also taught them perseverance, struggle and finding their way.
My elder daughter once complained to her class teacher during PTM that all her friends’ mommies sit with them to help with their HWs except her’s. Only when her teacher told her that that’s the right thing to do, she was convinced.
Freedom from expectations
The few expectations I have are for them to turn out to be good human beings, be healthy(this one’s very important) and be financially independent. Everything else, they will learn with time. I don’t expect them to look after us or support us, if they do, well and good, if they don’t, they still have my blessings.
Freedom from pressure
Academically, they should just keep moving to the next grade, that’s all. They don’t have to top or excel or pursue anything that they are not interested in. I also don’t enroll them for any extra-activities without their total approval. Ofcourse this has its pros and cons as they maybe on crossroads for much of their lives. But again I can only budge them, not push. They do participate voluntarily in competitions in school and do quite well. I won’t pressurize them to get married or have children too… they can whenever they want to or not.
Freedom from bias/prejudice/ discrimination/ stereotyping
My husband and I consciously make an effort at home to not talk about any form of bias pertaining to religion, class, creed, culture, race, ethnicity, skin colour, social status, profession etc. They have seen that we treat everyone, irrespective of the socially attached prejudices, with respect and they do the same. This has made them less judgemental. Obviously their mind-set will change once they know how the world works but I am atleast doing my bit.
Freedom of religion
I have brought up my daughters ‘a-religious’… if there is a term like that! Although I am a Hindu by birth and my husband a Buddhist, I have left their minds empty. When they grow up, they can choose to follow what they want to or not follow anything at all. I haven’t sown any seed of religion or faith into their young minds. And no, they don’t pray.
Art by Aarna Yonzon(my daughter)🙂
This reminds me of a funny, unforgettable incident. When my elder daughter was in Grade II, one of her class friends drew religious symbols in his book and asked her which one she was. She obviously didn’t know what anything meant. So the minute she got down from the bus, she asked me, ‘Aama, what am I?’… I didn’t understand the question and asked her to explain, and that’s when she told me what her friend had asked. So I came home and showed her our little puja place where there are Hindu n Buddhist idols and told her, ‘By birth, you are a Buddhist and supposed to worship him(pointing towards the statue of Buddha), but it is upto you to choose any when you grow up or no one.’ She immediately looked at Buddha’s idol and said … ‘OMG, I won’t choose Buddha, he has a very funny hairstyle’… hahahaha!!! I can never forget that incident… I seriously ROTFL that day.
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My girls are not perfect, they cannot be and neither am I. They irritate me, disobey me, get on my nerves, take advantage of me and do ‘brainless’ things. I wack them occasionally too(anyway, this post is not about how good or bad a mother I am). But when people tell me that they are well behaved, courteous and respectful I feel great. Even their teachers at school have good things to say about them. When the teachers compliment my daughters for their smartness, I feel proud of them and when they do it for their behavior, I feel proud of myself too.
Sometimes we leave them at home and go out during the day and sometimes at night too. Despite knowing that they are free and can do anything, they still call me and ask if they can eat something or watch TV. Even during online exams, they don’t ask me to look up for answers in their books or ask me for help(they know I won’t anyway). It’s a wonderful feeling for me as a mother when I watch them display integrity in little ways.
I have given them freedom for what I think is most necessary for their age, more will come as they grow older. After all, and I strongly believe in this…
‘There’s a time and place for everything… for everyone!’ – Van Halen
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